ROYAL PATRONAGE

Support the Guild. Unlock the legendary.

PEASANT TIER
Free
For the curious scullion.
  • ✓ Full 8-layer × 16-step sequencer
  • ✓ 3 herald proclamations per day
  • ✓ TTS audio verdict (Crown Herald voice)
  • ✓ Rank + score + crest
  • ✓ Shareable result pages
  • ✓ Global leaderboard + gallery
BESTOWN BY THE CROWN
ROYAL PATRONAGE
$2.99
One-time tribute. Thine for all eternity.
  • 👑 Unlimited proclamations
  • 🐉 4 legendary layers: dragon espresso, monk chant pour, thunder grinder, harp slurp
  • 🎤 3 alternate herald voices: drunken, whispering, viking
  • 📜 Private Grimoire of saved rituals
  • 🛡️ AI-generated coat of arms per verdict
  • 💾 Export thy brew song as WAV

FREQUENT INQUIRIES

Is this a subscription?

Nay. A one-time tribute of $2.99 unlocks all features forever. The Guild detests recurring rent.

What if I lose my proclamations?

Royal Patronage includes a private Grimoire where thou mayst name and save thy finest rituals.

Can I refund my tribute?

Aye. Send a raven within 30 days and the treasury shall return thy coin.

Why medieval?

Because coffee deserves ceremony, and thy morning ritual is already a performance — we merely give it a herald.